Humor
Jane was admiring her best friend's newborn baby.
"He sure favors his dad" she told her friend.
"Oh yes, he surely does" the friend said, "He sleeps all the time, never talks, and has no hair."
Four expectant fathers were in Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.
The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, You're the father of twins."
"What a coincidence" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."
The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You sir, are the father of triplets."
"Wow, That's really an incredible coincidence " he answered.
"I work for the 3M Corporation." My buddies at work will never let me live this one down.
An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back, this time she turned to the 3rd man - who had been quiet in the corner.
She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets.
Stunned, he barely could reply. "Don't tell me another coincidence?" asked the nurse.
After finally regaining his composure, he said "I don't believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"
After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the 4th guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor.
The nurse rushed to his side and after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.
When he was finally able to speak, you could hear him whispering repeatedly the same phrase over and over again.
"I should have never taken that job at 7-Up...I should have never taken that job at 7-Up... I should have never taken that job at 7-Up..."
I have just figured out WHY I have gained so much weight!
The shampoo I use in the shower everyday, that runs down my body, says “for EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY.” !!
I think I will be going to the store tomorrow to buy some DAWN Dishwashing Liquid to wash with, because it says: “DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE" !
One morning a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is today."
"Of course I do!" the husband indignantly replied as he went out the door.
At 11:00 that day the doorbell rang and when the woman answered it she was handed a box full of long stemmed red roses with a card that said: " From your loving husband."
At 1:00 again the doorbell rang and she was handed a foil wrapped box of her favorite chocolates with another card stating " May this be the sweetest day of your life" from your loving husband.
Later that afternoon, a boutique delivered a designer dress to her.
The woman was so ecstatic she could hardly wait for her husband to come home.
When he walked in the door she ran up to him and said " Oh honey! First the flowers, then the candy and then the beautiful dress! Thank you so much! I have never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my whole life!"
A man had an interview at a large company.
In looking over his application the HR Representative said: "Well, in looking over your work history I see you have been fired from every job you have held!"
"Yes." the man said
"Well, how would you explain that?" said the HR Rep."There isn't much positive about that work history!"
"Sure there is !" says the man. "It shows that I am not a quitter!"
"He sure favors his dad" she told her friend.
"Oh yes, he surely does" the friend said, "He sleeps all the time, never talks, and has no hair."
Four expectant fathers were in Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.
The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, You're the father of twins."
"What a coincidence" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."
The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You sir, are the father of triplets."
"Wow, That's really an incredible coincidence " he answered.
"I work for the 3M Corporation." My buddies at work will never let me live this one down.
An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back, this time she turned to the 3rd man - who had been quiet in the corner.
She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets.
Stunned, he barely could reply. "Don't tell me another coincidence?" asked the nurse.
After finally regaining his composure, he said "I don't believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"
After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the 4th guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor.
The nurse rushed to his side and after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness.
When he was finally able to speak, you could hear him whispering repeatedly the same phrase over and over again.
"I should have never taken that job at 7-Up...I should have never taken that job at 7-Up... I should have never taken that job at 7-Up..."
I have just figured out WHY I have gained so much weight!
The shampoo I use in the shower everyday, that runs down my body, says “for EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY.” !!
I think I will be going to the store tomorrow to buy some DAWN Dishwashing Liquid to wash with, because it says: “DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE" !
One morning a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is today."
"Of course I do!" the husband indignantly replied as he went out the door.
At 11:00 that day the doorbell rang and when the woman answered it she was handed a box full of long stemmed red roses with a card that said: " From your loving husband."
At 1:00 again the doorbell rang and she was handed a foil wrapped box of her favorite chocolates with another card stating " May this be the sweetest day of your life" from your loving husband.
Later that afternoon, a boutique delivered a designer dress to her.
The woman was so ecstatic she could hardly wait for her husband to come home.
When he walked in the door she ran up to him and said " Oh honey! First the flowers, then the candy and then the beautiful dress! Thank you so much! I have never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my whole life!"
A man had an interview at a large company.
In looking over his application the HR Representative said: "Well, in looking over your work history I see you have been fired from every job you have held!"
"Yes." the man said
"Well, how would you explain that?" said the HR Rep."There isn't much positive about that work history!"
"Sure there is !" says the man. "It shows that I am not a quitter!"
